


Best Man

by everythingisalot



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M, Fluff, Infidelity, M/M, Marriage, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-12 22:08:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9092659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingisalot/pseuds/everythingisalot
Summary: Dan should've realised the day would come, he'd always been too naive about it.





	1. You're Married

**Author's Note:**

> YIKES. My last fic fluffy as anything, plz do not come in here thinking the same.

Dan clearly remembered the day Phil had announced it. They were in the kitchen, it was a Sunday morning and Dan hadn't been expecting it. He should've known the day would barge its way in to their lives, he should never have been so naive about it. 

''Dan. I've asked her to marry me and she said yes.''

The glass he'd been holding fell to the floor, shattered; If it were physically possible, his heart would've done the same thing. 

''Oh. That's nice.''

He knelt down, picking up broken glass with his bare hands, barely reacting when he caught himself, instead fascinated with the blood. 

''Dan, have you-- silly boy.'' 

Phil. Always so caring, perhaps to a fault. He was by Dan's side in a second, pressing a tee-towel to his bleeding palm. Dan could feel the warm skin of Phil's hand pressed against his own, fingers curled around his wrist to steady himself as he cleaned Dan up. It only hit him then what this really meant. Phil would be moving out and he'd be left to fend for himself. His sharp intake of breath was too much to go unnoticed, Phil's eyes darted up and they were so full of concern that Dan immediately looked away. 

''Dan. Hey.'' Suddenly there were fingers pressed beneath his chin, forcing him to look up. ''You're ok, yeah?''

Dan could hear the hidden meaning in that. Was he ok with Phil getting married? 

No.

''Yeah, i'm fine.'' He smiled, getting back to his feet and throwing the big shards of glass into the bin. ''I'm just going to go get the dustpan, wouldn't want one of us to end up standing on it later, would we?'' 

Part of him wanted Phil to do just that, wanted it to happen so Dan would have to take care of him, fuck, he just wanted to prove to Phil that, really, he needed Dan just as much as Dan needed him. 

''All right. Be careful, then.'' He gave Dan's arm a squeeze on the way back out of the kitchen. He watched him leave, watched him pick up his phone and smile at whatever text he'd received. It was probably from her. 

Dan had tried to be bitter the first time Phil had introduced them, but she was just as lovely as Phil and he easily fell into a warm conversation, fell into laughing at whatever she said. They were a good match, not a perfect one, but good. Good enough. Good enough was all you could ask for in this life. 

''Dan!'' 

Phil's shouting took him out of his own head, away from his thoughts and misery. Phil was still here for now, for now he could still get in as much time as he wanted, the time he desperately craved. 

''Mhm, what's up?''

Have you changed your mind already? Am I so obvious that you can tell I don't want this at all? Please.

''I'm just popping over to Emma's, we've got some bookings arranged for flats. Like.. too many, we'll probably be away the entire afternoon. I'm going to stay over at hers tonight, so i'll see you in the morning. '' The words slipped from his mouth so easily, so easily, like this wasn't tearing him apart. 

''Oh. Ok, then. Let me know if you find anywhere nice. I want to approve it, you'll end up living in a box otherwise.'' Dan laughed. Jokes were easy, jokes hid the fact he wanted nothing more than to drop to his knees and beg for Phil not to do this. Surely he could fucking see, everyone always claimed they could see. Dan was in love with Phil and Phil was acting oblivious to the fact. 

Dan liked to imagine Phil hadn't noticed, because that hurt far less than the alternative. Phil had noticed and was simply not interested in him, not interested in anything but being his best-friend. Dan could hardly blame him. He was difficult at times and the idea of Phil putting up with him, in such a huge capacity, for the rest of his life was something he didn't deserve. Phil deserved to be as happy as humanly possible. 

''Haha.'' Phil ruffled Dan's hair on the way out of the flat, proving, once and for all, that Phil was just as oblivious and Dan thought. Surely, if he knew he wouldn't be this cruel. He wouldn't keep giving Dan these fleeting touches, touches that were so innocent yet still made Dan's breath hitch, his cheeks blush, left him wanting more, wanting everything. ''Shutup. It could be a very nice box.''

And with that he was gone, leaving Dan in a state of shock he had no right to be in. 

\- 

''Doesn't he look cute, he'll fit right in at the wedding. Might even look better than Phil, huh.'' Emma had beamed as she put a bow-tie around her dog's neck. That was another thing Emma had provided Phil with. She had a stable job with normal hours, meaning they could actually have a pet and not fear leaving it alone for months at a time. 

''Mhm, I want to steal him.'' He did, he really did. Maybe then Phil would come back, but he was an idiot for thinking that Phil was sticking around for a dog. Even a dog in a bow-tie.

''You can be his uncle, you can have him every fortnight.'' Emma ruffled Dan's hair on the way out of the kitchen. Her and Phil were so similar that it had Dan running to the toilet to throw up. 

''Sorry-sorry, think I ate something a bit dodgy last night. Never order takeaway when the place is in its final closing hour.'' He reassured as she fussed over him, making him tea and toast. 

''Mhm, as long as you didn't throw up on my wedding dress.'' She warned, raising an eyebrow as she pressed the warm mug into his hand. 

Dan wondered if Emma knew. He'd tried to reduce the amount of times he so much as looked at Phil when she was around, the last thing he wanted was her clicking it all together and feeling sorry for him. Sometimes he thought she definitely knew, the looks were too knowing, and in those times he absolutely despised her. 

''I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing, Em. Promise.'' He crossed his heart, hoped to die. ''Anyway, why would your wedding dress be in your bathroom? I think i've been over here enough times to know where the bedroom is, don't worry. If anyone was going to do that, it'd be Phil. We both know how much of a clumsy twat he is.'' 

''Oh god, you're right. I'm going to have to go and hide it at my mothers.'' She joined Dan on the sofa. Alfie was soon there too, trying his luck at stealing Dan's toast. ''You'll have to learn the layout of our new flat soon enough. Did Phil tell you we think we've found somewhere absolutely perfect? It's close enough to work but still not right in the middle, you know?'' 

''Oh, no. He hadn't told me.'' Maybe he was waiting for the right time, could somehow sense how fragile Dan was about all of this. They'd been living together for so long that Dan couldn't imagine going without. He knew he'd still be making two cups of coffee, getting out two bowls for months to come.

''Ah, well here--'' She got her phone out, showing him the pictures. ''It's a bit plain at the moment but we know we can make it our own.''

She was right. It was perfect.

\- 

The wedding was a simple affair. Incredibly understated. Phil never had liked to much attention, not really.

He'd been asked to be best man, naturally. He'd agreed even though it practically killed him to do so. He'd gone along to every wedding-related thing Phil had asked him to go to, even if it destroyed him to see Phil planning a day that would, eventually, rip them both apart. 

''By the power vested in me by God and man, I pronounce you man and wife.'' 

The words were definitely there, out in the open, but to Dan they sounded like white noise. 

His suit felt itchy and he wanted nothing more than to go home and take it off.

Maybe he could burn it.

He smiled when he was supposed to, posed for stupid photos and made people cry with his best man's speech. 

Phil was looking at him too much, like it was all finally falling into place there and then. On his wedding day. He knew his speech had been too sappy.

''Phil-- how on earth am I supposed to sum up everything about you in five minutes? I'd need at least five years and that's only to speak about how many colours your eyes are.'' 

It'd started of light enough, these speeches were supposed to be funny and not an expression of 'I'm in love with the groom'. 

''You-- I think you know how much you mean to me, you've known that since 2009. Well, the entire internet has known that since 2009.'' He laughed, trying to keep the smile on his face; smiling meant light and funny. 

''I thought I was going to be a lawyer, bored in some office. No offence to the lawyers here.''

That received a room full of laughs. 

''But then you-- god, you burst into my life, unlike anyone i'd ever met before, and nothing has been the same since. Have I thanked you enough for replying to my desperate tweets instead of blocking me?'' He aimed the question at the entire room, not being able to bring himself to look at Phil. Not yet. 

''Everything that i've done has been possible because of you, Phil. I never say this enough, do I? I'm not good with emotions and .. talking.'' He cleared his throat, dropped his cue cards to the table. ''But you, you're the best person and i've ever met in my entire life, ever will meet, Phil, you saved me when I thought nothing possibly could. You brighten up the lives of every person who has the good fortunes to meet you and I just-- I feel so lucky that i've been able to grow up with you, experience so many firsts with you.'' He blushed when he realised the connotations of that; He and Phil had never. ''So, basically, Emma, you're so fucking lucky.'' 

His tone was teasing, but he meant it. He really hoped Emma realised just what she'd gotten. 

''Living without you is going to be weird. Though I will get to keep my cereal and I won't constantly knock myself out on open cupboard doors.'' He'd let Phil eat the entire box, would knock himself out every time he walked into the kitchen, if it meant he got to keep Phil. ''But I will miss you and you've got to promise that, even in grown up married life, you're still going to be a gigantic nerd and watch anime with me. I mean, who else can I rant to?''

His fingers were gripping the edge of the table now, his knuckles were white. He, finally, fell apart when Phil's hand came to rest over his own. 

''Anyway, god-- too much alcohol and too many emotions.'' He laughed, raising his glass, ''to Emma and Phil. I wish you every happiness.''

Emma was looking at him in that knowing way.

He should've thrown in an I love you, it probably would've been less obvious. 

Dan sat back down. Phil's hand was still over his own. He finally looked his way and what he saw was far too much. The unspilled tears in Phil's eyes were too much. He fled. 

-

Dan would've desperately like to have said that everything, more or less, had remained the same after Phil's wedding. That would be lying though. He'd conveniently been out of town when it came to Phil moving out. 

He'd cried when he'd come back to a half empty flat, spent the night in Phil's near empty room. He couldn't take the ugly wicker bed with him.

The flat he'd loved so much wasn't the same anymore, and it didn't feel empty just because of the sudden lack of furniture.

He'd gotten excellent at ignoring Phil, claiming to be busy. It'd been three weeks since the day, including one week of honeymoon, and he'd not seen the other man. Phil was great at pretending he didn't know Dan was lying. Great at calling him, texting him, not leaving him alone. 

Was it too obvious if he changed his phone number?

It was 11pm when the door went. Had he ordered takeaway? He couldn't remember. He was slow as he went down the stairs, tempted to scream at the incessant knocking.

''Sorry I think you've go-- Phil.'' Out of everyone he'd been expecting, Phil was the last on his list. 

''You've been ignoring me.'' 

Phil was barging past him before he had the chance to reply, going up the one million stairs and into a flat devoid of his things. 

''I've not, Phil.'' Dan got out when he'd eventually caught up with him. ''I've just been busy, you know. Just stuff and yeah.'' 

''Busy with what, Dan? Because it's obviously not been tidying up.'' He rounded on Dan. ''I'm your bestfriend don't fucking lie to me. I know your phone is practically attached to you, it's almost like another limb to you.'' It still shocked Dan, to this very day, when Phil swore. It was when he was at his most angry, and Phil swearing now really didn't bode well for Dan. 

''I have-- i've just been.'' He'd just been what? Wallowing in his own self pity? Thinking of how he could possibly live without Phil? He struggled when the man went away on holidays, for god's sake. ''Busy. Doing youtube stuff, you know how it is, sometimes you're busy and sometimes you're not. This just happens to be one of those times where i've got a lot of stuff going on, don't take it so personally.''

''You've not uploaded a video in two months.'' Oh yeah. Dan had forgotten that Phil could see his activity. ''Dan. Please. Don't lie to me, yeah? I've been worried about you, so worried. I don't get why you're locking me out of your life like this.'' 

Dan had taken a few steps backwards, Phil had been too close, but Phil had followed straight after him. He was trapped against the wall now, nowhere left to run to and everything still to admit. ''I-- fine. I've not been busy. I've been sad. I've been trying to work out how the fuck i'm supposed to do this. I don't know how to live alone, Phil.'' 

''Oh-- Dan.'' He instantly softened, any anger that he'd been holding onto swiftly leaving his body. Phil had always been like that, could never stay angry at Dan for too long. Especially when he admitted his actual feelings, that was just too rare of occurrence and Phil took every chance he could.

''Don't. Fuck, Phil. Don't look at me like that, like you feel sorry for me. I don't want your pity. Not now. Not ever.'' His eyes were darting everywhere now, refusing to look at Phil's face because he knew that look would still be there, that his words will have been ignored. 

''I don't, Dan. I don't feel sorry for you. I know that it's hard, I mean.. Emma is hardly you, it's weird, I know. I know how you feel.'' Phil's tone of voice was off, like he was trying to calm a crazed animal. ''But we could make this easier if you'd just speak to me, Dan, it's selfi--''

''Fuck off!'' Dan was the one angry now, pushing Phil away. ''Fuck you. Don't you dare say that i'm the selfish one here. You're the one who fucking -- you're the one who left, not me!'' He was jabbing his finger into Phil's chest, moving them over to the other side of the living room. ''You, Phil! You're the one who decided to get married, to move out and you didn't exactly leave me much time to get used to the idea. It all happened, what, in the space of five fucking months? You've been with me for seven years, Phil! Give me some time to get used to it.'' 

He stopped then, knowing that that, paired with his best-man's speech, had given too much away, given all of it away. 

''Dan.'' Phil's hands were on his shoulders, tugging his forwards into a hug that had Dan crumbling. 

''I miss you, I can't-- I can't do this, Phil.'' His cheeks were damp, and now so was Phil's neck. ''It's hard and I can't live alone and I can't move in with anyone who isn't you.'' He was clinging on for dear life, nails digging into Phil's skin through his shirt hard enough to leave crescent shaped marks. 

''I miss you, too, Dan.'' Phil's voice was breaking, too. ''I didn't -- fuck, you are, aren't you?''

Dan pulled back, line of confusion between his eyebrows. ''I'm what?''

''You're in love with me.'' Phil. Always so oblivious up until the point where there was nothing Dan could do about Phil's sudden realisation. 

''Yeah.'' There was no point in lying about it now, he'd already proved to himself that he was terrible at lying to Phil. ''I am.'' His grip loosened as he sunk to his knees, looking every bit as pathetic as he felt. 

''Fuck.'' Phil joined him on the floor, looking like he'd had the wind knocked out of him. ''Why-- I mean, you never,'' He took a breath, collected himself, ''you never told me, Dan.''

Dan shrugged. 

''No, no. You can't just tell me that and then not.. Talk to me, Dan please.'' 

The hand was back on his shoulder and Dan couldn't breathe. 

''What am I supposed to say, Phil? It's too late.'' He let out a bitter laugh, though he knew it was all his fault. ''You're married, Phil, you're married.''


	2. Bridal Style

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woahhh!!!!! thanks for the warm reception (that involved a lot of u being harrowed and or crying, sorry for that). I am reding your comments i've just been working so haven't had the time to reply, but thank you so much! love those comments. Weird but when you're writing angst over fluff do you find that you writing style becomes way more details, in turn creating a longer fic.. or.. ? just me?

Dan had always imagined Phil taking him to bed, thought not quite in the way that it was currently happening. 

He'd picked him up bridal style. Ironic. 

''You weren't sleeping slumped up against the radiator, Dan, stop looking like i'm doing something mean.'' 

''I was fine.'' He wasn't, the metal of the radiator had started digging into his back. 

''You're also a liar.'' Phil was looking at him, an eyebrow raised. 

Dan didn't dignify that with a response. This wasn't working, at all. They were both far too tall, Dan's ankles were hitting the door frames as they walked through. Phil was nothing if not determined, though, not putting Dan down until they were in his bedroom. 

''There.'' He smiled, placing Dan carefully onto the mattress, treating him like he was made out of glass ''Isn't that better.'' 

He looked proud of himself, Dan shrugged. ''The radiator was just fine.'' 

He wriggled his way out of jeans, letting out a snort as Phil diverted his eyes. ''Don't worry, Phil. You've seen me in this state plenty of times before. I'm not suddenly going to jump you because you now know I'm in love with you. I resisted for seven years.''

Phil let out a sigh, his lips pursed. Dan wondered if he wanted to run, but Phil had always been the grown up one out of the two, always the one who wanted to talk no matter what the circumstance. 

''Dan.''

Phil's tone suggested he was speaking to a toddler, in some ways he was. 

''What, Phil? You're the one who put me to bed, let me go to sleep.'' He met the man's eyes. His own attempting to be defiant, but that probably failed due to the redness, the puffiness that still hadn't gone down. 

''Right.'' He leaned in, brushing Dan's fringe away from his forehead; Now he really was being cruel.

''Phil.'' Dan's voice was strained, the word barely coming out. ''Please don't, I can't.'' He wrapped his fingers around the man's wrist, not making any move to pull him away, but hoping he'd take the hint. 

''I'm sorry.'' He dropped his hand. 

Dan wanted to ask what he was sorry for. Perhaps it was for never realising, or marrying someone who wasn't him, moving out, not loving Dan in the way Dan wanted so desperately to be loved.

His eyes fell down to the checkered sheets before he opted to stop looking altogether, turning onto his side, back away from Phil. He heard another one of those sighs, long suffering. 

''I'd really like to talk about this, Dan, maybe not now, but another day, yeah?'' He sounded overly optimistic for something that would likely never happen.

Dan could hear him leaving, he turned, fingers reaching to curl into Phil's t-shirt. ''It's late.'' 

''It is.'' Phil froze on the spot, waiting for Dan to make his next move. Always waiting for Dan. 

''Don't go, please.'' He let go, he moved over, opening up his space to Phil. ''One night, please. Just stay here. I won't-- just next to me. Nothing like- I'm not asking you to cheat.'' 

Phil looked torn for a second, just a second, but then he was pulling out his phone, telling Emma he was going to be gone for the night because the video they were filming took longer than expected. 

''Thankyou.'' Dan whispered, averting his own eyes when Phil began to get undressed despite his words earlier. Soon he felt the dip of a mattress, the heat of another body beside him. He was desperate to curl into him, rest his head on Phil's chest, just to, for one night, pretend they were more than what they actually were; He stayed stock still. 

''C'mere, you idiot.'' Phil lifted an arm and Dan moved faster than he'd ever moved in his life. If anyone were to walk in on them now they'd think they were a couple, but when they found out what the actual situation was they'd likely think Phil was the cruelest man alive. Dan thought he was the kindest. 

-

Dan woke up alone, the space beside him cold.

There was a note on the pillow:

I left you a bowl of cereal on the side (without milk, of course. I'm not a savage). x

Dan put the note in his box. It'd become rather the buildup of his and Phil's lives over the past seven years. He'd never set out for it to be about Phil, but everything always was in the end. 

He managed to drag himself out of bed three hours later, the bowl there as Phil had promised. He tipped the cereal in the bin and made his own instead. 

The day dragged on. He finally managed to film a video that he didn't post because he looked a complete and utter wreck. They'd link it together, of course they would, Phil gets married and suddenly Dan looks like he's on the edge of falling apart completely. 

Phil texted, a few times, Dan ignored them all; He knew it'd lead to Phil coming over again. 

Emma called at one point, then text, asking him if he fancied going over for new years. He chucked his phone at the wall, regretting it the second he had. 

She knew. 

Phil told him the fact his phone was actually off, rather than just ringing through, had scared him when he turned up at the door a couple of days later. Dan claimed he had dropped it, smashed it, had to go and get it fixed. He didn't buy it. 

''I thought we were past this whole lying business.'' He dumped a bag on the table, pulling out food from their favourite takeaway. Of course he'd checked the fridge last time he'd been over, noticed Dan was dangerously close to surviving on milk and a jar of pickles. 

''I'm not lying.'' He picked at it. Not really eating, but not wanting Phil to pester him anymore than he had been. ''Anyway, how're you?'' He spoke to his food rather than Phil, it'd probably give him a better answer. Not an answer along the lines of 'i'm doing wonderfully, married life is amazing and we're fucking any chance we get.' His food would give him an answer like 'you're just about to eat me, how do you think I'm fucking doing?' he laughed at that, causing more of Phil's unwanted attention to fall on him. 

''What?'' He hadn't seen Dan laugh in weeks. 

''Nothing, nothing.'' Dan wasn't about to admit he'd been having conversations with his food. Sure, Phil would've found that funny in the past, but with how worried he was about Dan's current mental state, well. ''Just remembered something. Doesn't matter. Thanks, by the way. I feel like I haven't eaten this in months, kinda missed it.'' 

''You're welcome. I looked in your fridge the other day, I think eating the contents would've made your stomach explode.'' He gave Dan a nudge and smile, Dan almost smiled back. 

''Yeah, well, i've not really had the time to go shopping.'' He'd had all the time in the world to go shopping, but it was a thing he'd gotten used to doing with Phil. He was thankful Phil withheld another liar comment. 

''Thank god I exist then.'' Dan watched as Phil made himself comfortable, crossing his legs, his dinner resting in his lap. It felt like a regular Friday night until Dan saw the glint of his wedding ring. 

''Did you ever have feelings for me?'' He blurted out, unable to stop himself, uncomfortably desperate to know. 

''Of course I did.'' The words fell from Phil's lips easily. Dan felt like he'd been punched in the gut.

Did. 

''You-,'' He cleared his throat, tried again. ''Would you have ever- I don't know, like, gone there. With me. If i'd told you. If you'd known.'' 

''I spent a lot of time wishing you felt the same, Dan. One day I realised it was just not going to happen and I got used to the idea of you just being my bestfriend forever. It's really not a horrible idea to get used to.'' Dan had stopped eating, mind thinking over, trying to process the fact Phil had felt the exact same way and he'd let it all just slip through his fingers. 

''And now?'' It was daring, he asked it. 

''I'm with Emma now.'' It was so final, so devastatingly final. ''I mean, i've spent the last few days thinking about how it could've been, but it's too late. I'm not trying to be mean, blunt, though I sound it. We had our chance, we had seven years of chances. Maybe it was just never meant to be.''

''Bullshit.'' He couldn't help himself. He'd bottled it up for such a long time, the small opening he'd given his feels had been ripped apart and now it was all spilling from him. ''You know that's bullshit. It was always meant to be. Always. I was just an idiot who thought you'd never really return the feelings, wasn't I? Everyone else could see, apparently. I should've listened to the bloody comments, the tweets. I should've- I should've, I don't know! I don't fucking know, but don't say that. You know what we have is once in a lifetime, Phil, people are jealous of us, how we are. We're so easy around each other, people aren't just like that!''

''Calm down, Dan.'' Phil had placed both of their dinners on the table lest they go everywhere. ''I know i'm never going to be as close as I am with you with anybody else, even Emma. I know what we have is so beyond anything, so beyond normal relationships.''

He'd moved closers, their knees were touching. Dan felt like he was burning. 

''Then why are you-- why did you. You're married.'' His words was useless, coming out rushed and not making any sense.

Phil's eyes were soft, full of regret. 

''I'm married, yeah. That doesn't have to mean we can't be friends still, Dan. I know there's never going to be that side to-- well, you know. I still love you, though. I always will. You're the most special person in the world to me and it fucking hurts that you're keeping me trapped out.'' 

''There was always a chance, you know? Before Emma. Even though we were still nothing, there was still a chance we could be everything.'' Now there was a gold band on Phil's finger that confirmed they'd be nothing forever. 

''I don't know what to say, Dan, I really don't.'' Phil's voice hadn't risen throughout their entire conversation, once again remaining the calm one, even when everything Dan knew was crashing down around him. 

Dan was moving closer, heart controlling his mind, hand coming up to curve around the sharpness of Phil's jaw. He could see the way the man's eyes widened in surprise just before he kissed him. It was two seconds, two blissful seconds before Phil came to his senses, stopped kissing back, pushed Dan away. 

''No. No. Dan!'' His voice had risen now. 

''Sorry- I don't know what I just-- why I just. Crap. I'm so sorry, I just wanted, I don't know.'' He'd curled up on himself, face buried in his knees. The waterworks had started again. 

''I didn't mean to shout.'' Phil was back beside him, handing him a tissue. ''I just, you know I can't do that, Dan. As much as I've wanted to in the past-- I can't, not now. I'm not going to be that person, i'm not going to cheat and I'm just sorry. I'm sorry, Dan.''

Dan had, oddly, considered himself different, above the cheating rule. Was it really cheating if it was with Dan? It was near-unimaginable that Phil would even so much as look at someone else, but Dan was not just someone else. 

Of course it was still cheating.

''Don't apologise.'' Dan took the tissue, balling it up into his fist rather than wiping his eyes with it. ''I'm the one who kissed you.'' 

-

It'd been a week since Dan had thrown himself at Phil, a week since Phil had left the flat after making Dan promise to at least speak to him once every few days. 

He'd filmed a video that he'd looked alright enough in to go up. His voice was quieter than usual, his eyes dull, but no one had had the guts to comment on it. Not even Phil, he'd in-fact texted him to say he loved it. Dan supposed it was supposed to be encouraging. 

New years had come and gone, Dan had stayed at home with the excuse that he'd caught something and couldn't move from his bed without his head threatening to cave in. 

He'd ventured out of their flat - still refused to call it his flat - a few times. Bumped into fans who'd wanted pictures that Dan wasn't in the mood to take. They all appeared online later, people asking if Phil had been there too. 

Comin ovre. -PL

Are you drunk? -DH

nooo. -PL

Phil was drunk. He was so drunk. He fell up the stairs twice before he even managed to get into the flat. He was giggling, he was rosy cheeked and he was everything Dan had ever wanted. 

''Hey.'' Dan gestured for him to come indoors. He'd been waiting for him by the front door ever since he'd heard the sound of an elephant coming up the stairs. 

''Dan!'' Phil looked delighted to see him, looked like he'd not seen him in years as opposed to just a week. 

''Yup, that's my name.'' He dodged the hug he could see coming, instead walking too quickly to the kitchen where he put the kettle on. ''You're going to drink something that isn't alcohol before you throw up all over our carpet.'' My carpet. 

''Am not going to be sick.'' He looked like a child rather than thirty. ''Just had a little bit.'' He held up his fingers to demonstrate, the gap too large for just a little bit. ''Mhm, maybe a .. medium bit.'' 

Dan shook his head, trying to hide his laugh. ''You're so ridiculous. Sit down before you fall down.''

Of course his words went ignored. 

''You kissed me the other day.'' Phil was closer, the front of Dan's shirt nearly ended up in the filled sink in his bid to escape. 

He tried to change the subject. It didn't work. 

''It was nice.'' Phil was drunk and Dan couldn't listen to a word he said. 

''Emma doesn't,'' He hiccuped, ''Feel like that. Like you.'' 

''Phil.'' Dan had to be careful now, so careful. He turned, back pressed up against the kitchen counter. ''You're not a cheater, are you?''

''But it's you.'' Phil frowned, looking genuinely baffled by what Dan was trying to say. It was exactly what Dan had thought the other day, something his mind had laughed away. 

''It does-'' He was cut off when Phil's lips were pressed against his own, sloppy and messy and Dan was ripping himself away in an instant. Phil would be so upset if Dan let this continue, let Phil do something he'd promised to never do. 

''You're drunk and you're also going to bed.'' 

Phil looked disappointed, trying to get Dan back as he guided him down the hall. It took a while, Phil bumping into every possible thing, Dan slipping away from his every advance. He'd wanted it for such a long time that it was almost funny how hard he was trying to get away. 

''Here. We're here.'' He wrestled Phil beneath the covers, tucking him in. ''Stay. Sleep. Please don't throw up.''

''Dan.'' His fingers were curled into Dan's shirt, a reverse of the other night. 

''Mhm?''

''Love you.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already had this written up so that's why the update has been quick! not sure how often i'll update afterwards. hope you're enjoying it so far :-)!


	3. Who?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thankyou for all your comments! ;_;

''Phil.'' Dan moaned, back arching, heels digging into the small of the his back. 

He didn't realise his mistake until the man above him froze, an eyebrow raised, a look of intrigue on his face rather than the rage he'd expected. 

''Getting over someone, huh?'' 

Dan nodded, unsure of what else to do. He'd never been in this position before, never had someone asking him about his love life whilst they were literally inside of him. He'd not done this in a while, let some stranger take him home, been laid, a stupid part of him thought it'd work. 

''Sorry- I- yeah, sorry. I wasn't thinking properly.'' It wasn't as awkward as it should be, somehow. His cock was losing interest, so was his head. The man - Alex? - seemed to realise that and promptly pulled away, rolling onto the empty side of the bed. 

''Same. Though, luckily for me they were called Dan.'' He laughed, and Dan couldn't help but join in. ''What happened?'' 

Dan didn't know why he was compelled to spill everything, perhaps it was because Alex had eyes like Phil's and they were hard to not trust. ''He got married a couple of months ago.''

''Ouch. My bloke just decided I was a bit too messy for him, i'm sure I'll win him over when I buy some bleach and actually start hanging up my clothes. I'll get there one day, i'm sure of it. You'll do anything for love, the world is stupid like that.'' He turned to look at Dan, and the distinct lack of pity in his eyes had Dan deciding he actually liked him. 

''Well- we were never actually like together. We just lived together for seven years, worked together, did everything together. Literally everything. I was pining the entire time, was too fucking proud to admit my feelings or something like that. Turned out he'd felt the same the entire time. Found out when he got back off his honeymoon, so. I think I win this sad story time, don't you?'' 

''Wow. Fuck. That's- seven years? You stuck around for seven years? You never even like-'' He gestured between their two naked bodies. 

''No. God, no. He wasn't ever just that for me. I loved him. Love him. I don't know. Fucking whilst we were drunk wasn't really us. I probably came onto him without realising though, I'm that sort of drunk person. He's good, though. He would never have taken advantage.'' Dan turned onto his side, taking it all the subtle way Alex and Phil were similar. They probably could've had some fun if Dan didn't have this whole thing going on that prevented him from thinking of anything but a married man. Not just a married man. Of Phil. Of everything he'd ever known. 

Adam, it turned out his name was, gave him his number on the way out. Dan oddly wanted to find out what happened with him and this other Dan. 

They were stood at the top of the stairs now, both clothed and stalling for time because Dan was lonely and Adam didn't want to walk home in the rain. 

''You know, if it's any consolation, you were good up until you moaned not my name.'' 

''Shutup.'' Dan punched him in the arm. 

-

''So, here we are, back to sims. What episode are we on now? Like.. 9000000. At least.'' They were sat at the desk in the office, Dan slapping on a smile for the camera. 

''Think we should stop these ones soon, then?'' Phil asked, elbows resting on the arms of his chair, so close to brushing against Dan's that he found himself moving away ever so slightly just to prevent it. 

''Probably. Just like I should stop the internet support videos, yet here we are.'' He leaned over, fiddling with a wire in the back of the computer because the screen was suddenly flickering. 

''Yeah you p- Dan, what's that?'' Phil asked, suddenly a bit too interested in the way Dan's shirt had fallen down from his collarbones, in the skin that was now on show. 

''Hm? What's what?'' He asked, not looking back up until he was sure the wire was in properly because it was dusty behind there and he didn't fancy a round two. 

''That mark.'' Suddenly Phil's finger was pressed into the bruise on the base of Dan's neck. He knew what it was. He wasn't stupid. He just wanted to hear Dan say it.

''Lovebite, hickey, whatever you want to call it.'' The keyboard was incredibly interesting to him right, he couldn't seem to look away. 

''Yeah, I got that. Who gave it to you, Dan?'' Phil sounded angry with him, almost jealous. If it were any other situation, if Phil wasn't married, Dan might've gotten off on the fact. 

''Just someone. You don't know him. Doesn't exactly matter.'' Dan shrugged, opening up the game and staring at the all too familiar loading screen. 

''Just someone.'' Phil leaned forward, turned the screen off altogether. ''What do you mean just someone? Does this someone have a name?''

''For fuck's sake, why did you do that for? I said it'd be up tomorrow and it's already nearly tomorrow. Everyone already thinks there's something up with me, let's not confirm it, yeah?'' He ignored the other question, instead turning the screen back on and jumping into Happy Dan Plays the Sims 4. 

''Dan, you can't just go around having sex with random people! You need to be careful.'' The camera was rolling and Dan knew he was going to have one hell of an editing job. 

''I'm a big boy, Phil. He's nice. He's called Adam and he didn't have a fucking clue who I was, alright? He just saw me in a bar and thought, I don't know, he looks pretty, i'll flirt with him. I'm the one who practically dragged him back to the flat, who kissed him, who had his clothes off before we were so much as through the door. Not everyone is out to get me, i'm not some fragile little eighteen year old anymore.'' His tone was flat, devoid of any emotion. It was his new years resolution to stop this. He'd already revealed too much over the last few weeks, he wasn't about to tell Phil he wasn't close to being ok, that he was moaning his name whilst sleeping with people who decidedly weren't called Phil. ''His eyes reminded me of yours.'' Apparently, his new years resolution didn't last very long. 

''Adam.'' Phil's tone was just as flat as his own as turned his attention to the screen. ''Are you seeing him again?'' He definitely sounded jealous, now, Dan thought, though maybe he was just being hopeful. 

''We exchanged numbers, so.'' He didn't mention they'd done that, he sort of wanted to drag this out a bit more. Wanted Phil to know how he'd felt when he'd brought Emma round. 

''Oh. Alright.'' He'd shut off. Dan was fucked off. 

''I'm allowed to see people, Phil. You're married. You can't fucking act like i'm in the wrong here.'' Now he was the one turning the screen off, putting the camera away. 

''I never said you weren't! I just thought you were a bit smarter than that, smarter than going to bars, getting pissed and sleeping with strangers.'' Phil's smile was patronising, it had Dan reeling. 

''Oh, alright, I forgot you were fucking mister high and mighty! Where did you meet Emma, again?'' Dan was out of his chair, pacing the tiny space of their office. 

''At a party.'' He heard Phil murmur. 

''Right! Yeah, thought so. And exactly how is that fucking different to a bar? I recall you sleeping with her on day one, too, Phil. The walls are thin and she sounds like a fucking dogs squeaky toy!'' Dan remembered it perfectly. He'd watched them flirting all night, knew it was leading to more than a friendly chat at free bar. He'd been proved right when he'd come home twenty minutes after Phil had left, heard them going at it. He'd slept in the living room that night, as far away from Phil's room as possible. 

''Yeah, you're right. Sorry. Just be careful, yeah? I don't want you getting hurt.'' Phil was patting the empty chair, a quiet suggestion that they forget about this, move on and film the video. 

''Bit late for that.'' Dan laughed, shaking his head as he sat back down. He was in no mood to be recording anything right now, but talking to Phil wasn't his favourite thing lately so he'd take anything else. 

''I can't keep apologising to you for getting married, Dan. I've already told you how it's going to be, I want us to still be friends. Please.'' Phil sounded so sincere that Dan almost dropped it. Almost. 

''Well, this had got to work both fucking ways. I'll stop acting how i've been acting if you let me sleep with other people without getting jealous. If you don't come here when you're pissed, trying to kiss me, telling me you love me. It's cruel and--''

''I what?'' Phil genuinely sounded shocked, Dan had forgotten he'd never actually told him about that night. 

''Well, you know that morning you woke up here and I just said it was because you were a bit tipsy and I didn't like the idea of you trying to get home alone?'' 

Phil nodded, look in his eyes urging him on. 

''You kinda, erm, no, definitely did kiss me. You had me up against the kitchen side,'' Phil was looking at him, so wide-eyed, so afraid he'd messed up and Dan was rushing to reassure him, ''and I pushed you away and sent you to bed. I knew you wouldn't want that. You'd never take advantage of me if I were in that state, so I wasn't about to. I wouldn't ever. You grabbed my arm on the way out, told me you loved me. You were drunk, I know it was just.. the drink, so, don't worry.'' 

''Fuck. Dan, i'm so sorry.'' It seemed to sink in now, just how much Phil was messing with Dan's head. ''C'mere.'' He opened up his arms, Dan easily sunk into them. ''I'm sorry. I just never thought this was how it would go, y'know? I thought i'd be married and then magically over you. I thought-- I thought that you didn't feel the same and I think if I hadn't have realised this would've been a whole lot easier. We should've both just remained oblivious, huh?'' He cheek was pressed against Dan's head, the argument they'd been having mere moments ago already forgotten. ''You're hard to get over, Dan Howell.''

''You don't have to get over me.'' Dangerous. They were both heading back into dangerous territory, neither of them were making a move to stop it. 

''Dan.''

''Phil.''

''Fuck.'' It slipped out of both of their mouths. 

Suddenly it was happening again, their lips pressed together, Phil's hand up Dan's shirt. It went on for longer than it should've and then some. There was climbing and Dan was in Phil's lap, the chair that was already missing a wheel suffering under the weight of them and going crashing down to the floor. 

''Ow-ow. I think you just broke me.'' Phil was giggling, Dan could feel the movement of Phil's chest as he lay sprawled out of top of him. 

''Is that the arm of the chair or are you just pleased to see me?'' Dan asked, the conversation almost reminding him of how they used to be.

''I hate you, oh my god.'' Phil pushed himself up onto his elbows, stealing another kiss. ''But I can't seem to leave you alone, huh?''

-

Hey, Dan! It's Adam. Dan and Adam are back on. -A  
Adan? Danam? Daam? Terrible. -A  
How's Dil. -A  
How's Phan? ;-) -A  
Sorry, sorry. That was even more terrible. I hope you are doing ok, though! Falling in love fucking sucks. -A 

-

You gonna be home soon? Remember we had dinner plans? - E xx  
Phil? - E xx  
How's Dan ? - E.

**Author's Note:**

> i have no read this over, so sorry for any mistakes !


End file.
